WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
