so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
