he thought i was a dude.
The best revenge is premature balding
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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