what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
