Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
