I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
