Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
