she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
