You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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