I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
