she smelled like a LAN party
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
