the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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