Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize