Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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