Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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