girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize