forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
