You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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