She said her name was "party"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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