I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
