Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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