bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize