I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
