Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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