WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
