Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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