I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
