Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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