had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
