I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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