I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I deserve this hangover.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
