My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
