I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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