if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
