return my video game
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
