Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Congratulations! We have a period
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