Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
