Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
