Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize