Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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