This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
