I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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