I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
