i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
