Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
