we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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