yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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