I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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