So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
