Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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