is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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