I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
