No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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