the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
