I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
