Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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