My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
