I'm pants shitting drunk right now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
