im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
