guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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