whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize