I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize