considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
