I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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