Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
